A bit of Sunday Motivation to already provide you today a great start into the upcoming week. “Fearlessly myself” sounds so easy, two words that sound like an everyday habit. What does fearless even mean? Cambridge Dictionary defines the word as “having no fear” a “fearless fighter”, “brave and courageous”. Alright, the “fearless fighter” might be a bit to much, this article is not about fighting your way through live but rather about accepting who you are, embracing it and be happy about it. Be happy that we are all great in our unique way, with unique interests, stories and values.
Let me give you a bit background before I am telling you the details of why I think I am fearlessly myself most of the days and how you can get there too.
Why do I want to talk about this:
I am finding myself more often doubting what I am doing, what if I wouldn’t have done that, what if I would have followed another path, what if I would have not move abroad, what if, that really is a question we should never ask ourselves, I believe that we are for a reason where we are now and that for another reason it is the right path for us when it makes you smile everyday, if it doesn’t, take the courage and change it.
After that “what if” question I tend to ask myself how many people I upset in live, how many people I might have let down with the decisions I made, how many of my close friends and family would have expected me to do something else.
After asking all these questions, I usually force myself to reflect on it from a very objective perspective and the conclusion of that reflection usually is, that I am where I am because most of the times I listened to what felt right. That does not mean that I stumbled from one thing to another, it was all planned and well thought through, but even if I would make a list of pros and cons about my decisions in life, the pros would be so much longer.
What have I learned:
I can be a very stubborn person, so probably the first thing I had to learn was when to fight for something and when not. When to invest energy in something and when not. I still find myself fighting in situations where I know I can’t win, not fighting would never be an option for me but sometimes it is much stronger just to make your point very clear, let whomever think about it and stay above it. When I was able to do that, usually the right things fell into place.
During this journey I had to learn that not everyone is willing to take that journey with you, or might not support or understand your journey as much as I would have thought they would. The question is, how can we really expect that? It’s our own journey and we might take decisions and steps only we know the answer too.
I also had to learn that you might reconsider decisions, even if you do, there is always a way back or forward. Just because the change you did did not work out in the way planned, it does not mean we are stuck here for an amount of time, it was just teaching us a lesson we should learn from.
Another very important thing I learned was listening to myself, if I do that, how would I feel about it? If this happens, how would that impact me? This is not a strategy to scare myself or worry to much, these are more questions to reassure that what I am doing is really me and not someone else’s idea. It just mentally prepares me for what might or might not happen to allow me to be proactive rather then reactive for most decisions to be made and things to get done.
The last thing I want to share with you for today for what I learned on this journey is about expectations. You should really only have expectations in yourself and not in anyone else. I am not saying that because people might let you down, I am saying that because at the end of the day it is our very individual personal life. It does not matter how close we are to a person or how good we know them, all of us have different backgrounds and different aims to reach. Having expectations in others means giving others actually a chance to upset you, so why would we do that?
I found with focusing on my own expectations, it allows me to enjoy the time with others in a complete different, better, more positive way. Someone is late, yes that can happen, someone did not call, yes that can happen who knows what was going on, someone said something that upset you, yes maybe the person did not know, that that was a vulnerable point.
By focusing on the expectations I have to myself, I can focus on my goals in a much better way, not everything you do has to end in something in return and we can never expect the same from others.
Obviously this has boundaries, I mean small things with this in our daily live. It is out of questions that your boyfriend would break the expectations by cheating on you, your parents by getting divorced, your boss by firing you but that is a different topic..
So in conclusion:
- Know when to fight for it and when making your point already strong enough
- Be yourself because only you are the one that can make the decision for you and make you truly happy
- When in self doubt, try to reflect objectively
- You can always change the way you are and move on or back from a bad decision you made
- Concentrate on the expectations you have in yourself rather than the ones you have in others
And finally open up the secret about my story which will give you the full understanding of what I learned. I am coming from a small village in Germany, most of my family never traveled far or worked abroad or speaks another language. I moved from my hometown with 18, studied and worked 400 km away for 4 years before I decided to move to my favorite city London. While doing that, I kick started my career, did my Bachelor’s degree and Master’s degree in part time as I worked full time, moved places 5 times and had a few secondments in other European cities. Through all that I am lucky enough to be in a strong, supporting relationship and have people I can call my close friends and I can count on.
One sentence that will always stick in my mind is what my mum told me when I decided to move away from home. Without any doubt she just said to the people questioning my decision “she will go her way”. Such a simple sentence and back than I probably was not able to understand the full meaning of that, now I do and can be more than happy to have a family behind me who believes in me and lets me go my way by being fearlessly myself.
So, enough about me and what I learned, I hope you can take something from this, it is not a story how to become a millionaire or be on the front page of a magazine, it is more a story how to embrace what you want to do to define yourself and find your happy place.